Build A Successful Life – Don’t Let Your Boyfriend Be In Control

There comes a point in a successful girl’s life when we have to talk about men. Unfortunately.

What happens when a bright, beautiful young lady lets her boyfriend influence her self-esteem? The results are always tragic.

This is not about hating men. This is about recognising that they don’t like it when a girl revolves her life around them. And I see too many girls who spend their waking hours whining to their friends about why he hasn’t called or why he’s been withdrawn. I think these girls need to start doing themselves a favour by increasing their self worth and focusing on their lives.

There is an old saying: before you can love someone else, you need to love yourself first.
I want girls to have a glamorous and successful life, AND a decent relationship. I don’t want them to spend time analysing their man’s every action.

And that’s why I’ve written this post.

Before you even think about making that guy your boyfriend, make sure you gain 100% self-worth. OWN IT. If you’re already in the predicament of being with a guy who knows you’re unsure of yourself? Take back control and ownership, quickly, of your self-esteem before it’s too late.

Maybe you don’t think you’re all that. (And you should).

But don’t let him know that.

I know it’s comforting to be with the guy 24/7 because he sees you as the cutest thing since pikachu, makes your voice squeaky and turns your behaviour into an act that, if you’re friends saw, would be embarassing.

But making sure that, at the end of the day, you know who you are and you know you’re going SOMEWHERE is the best thing you can do for any relationship and most importantly for your life and health.

I mean yeah, he COULD end up the one you’re with forever, and if so, tell me:


I’m sorry I just get emotional. WAKE UP.

Give the guy and yourself some breathing space.

Coming from experience, I’ve always felt that a boyfriend wants his girlfriend the most and comes at her from all angles when she’s determined and focused on something. SOMETHING OTHER THAN HIM.


A job interview.

An exam.

A blog. Hello!

Friggin…a new mascara!!!

It doesn’t matter what you’re focused on, the point is guys like it. You might think this means that you’ll lose him. That you’re not paying enough attention to him.

Let me tell you something. It’s the complete opposite.

Sure…he’ll take his moods. He’ll go in a huff. He’ll throw his toy out the pram. Cos you’re not giving the little one enough energy to sap. And he loves fighting for it.

So the best thing about what I’m telling you is that not only do you get your life back, you also get an increase in attention from him. Which is fun. But don’t care too much about that, cos it defeats the purpose…

Just something amusing about your phone ringing off the hook ten times a second when you’re usually the one waiting and longing for his calls/texts/bbm/skype/tweets. I don’t like to see a girl sitting waiting on a guy for the wrong reason.

If you’re lucky enough to find the right guy to treat you well from the start – congratulations, you won’t need to play games. And you’ll know that as soon as you meet him. Unfortunately, the dating game can be harsh but women have wised up as to how to play it. Because we have learned, from all the tears and drama and hurt, that sometimes, we DO have to play a little game.

I know boyfriends are one of the most important (or at least frequent) topics of conversation amongst girls everywhere. I just wanted to give you my two cents. But I want to know your stories, your lessons learnt, your tears (that have gone to waste..) and most importantly – your advice.



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6 thoughts on “Build A Successful Life – Don’t Let Your Boyfriend Be In Control”

  1. This has made me feel so much better as i am currently fighting not to text my bf, I’ve allowed myself to become consumed with worry constantly waiting for him to contact me. One minute we’re great and he’ll shower me with attention and we’ll talk for hours and the next i barely hear from him and even when i do it’s blunt or like he’s talking to a mate. I make the effort to contact him because we’re in a relationship and i care, i don’t bombard him with texts but when he’s being withdrawn maybe im giving him too much? His job is stressfull and it makes him tired, but i don’t see this as an excuse to not text me back when i say goodnight. Aside from this he has a girl best mate who blatantly fancies him and likes to rub their friendship in my face and play games with my by saying stuff about them to try and make me jealous, therefore as pathetic as it sounds i feel like i have to prove to him how great, funny and fun i am, maybe i’m trying too hard? Either way this post has definitely spurred on my mission to not contact him, thank you for taking the time to bring girls back to reality!

  2. Hi Stephanie! thank you so much for this blog post! A few minutes ago i was anxiously waiting for my boyfriend to reply to my gazillion texts.In pathetic desperation, I googled “What to do when your boyfriend doesn’t text” and I was led to your blog. I wish I could gain control over my life and my self-esteem, as this relationship is seemingly dampening it.. I love my guy but it seems i am “working” for this relationship (with my efforts unreciprocated by my guy)…

    1. Thankyou Ivee 🙂 Thankyou for your comment – you are exactly who I want to help with posts such as these! When one person “works” too hard at the relationship, you usually find that the other person draws back in response. Have you changed how you are acting towards him now? Let us know how he responds! xx

  3. So I Have so a question? I fell head over heels for this girl, that I’m still cnrleutry in love with but as soon as school came around everything changed. We both were unfaithful to a degree and i haven’t talked to her in 5 months. But all I think about is her still. I compare everything to hurt, every-time a country song comes on It reminds me of her, and constantly by little things I am reminded of our relationship together. But heres the problem. It ended really nasty because I caught her cheating and she wasn’t mature enough to apologize or admit it. I ended it by walking out, it was not pleasant and she said I promise you’ll regret this . Im not sure how she feels now because she is really good about putting on a face to the world, but i think if it were her and I alone talking maybe she’d tell me how she really feels. Oh did I mention we were engaged, soo yea hell on the heart? Is my pain just part of the getting over her process or is this just somehow a sign that I need to do something?

    1. Aww Manoli, I’m sorry for your pain but please know that this is definitely a normal part of the process of letting go. Even when you have forgiven someone and decide to move on it can take months or even years for the pain to subside.
      What I don’t fully understand is why would someone agree to get engaged with you (spend the rest of their life with you) and then cheat on you?

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