Today’s post is from a very special guest, relationship coach and writer Tiffany McEvoy from Born To Be A Heroine.
Tiffany Mcevoy is a relationship coach and writer for high-achieving women who are ready to quickly meet and marry their soul mates. She has been coaching since 2010 and has worked with women from every continent on how to attract and sustain the healthy, loving relationship of their dreams. She currently resides in London, and can be reached at www.borntobeaheroine.com
How To Regain a Man’s Interest
It’s scary when you feel a man’s interest is slipping away from you. He was so devoted in the beginning; calling all the time, wanting to take you out, making plans for the future. But one day, you notice something a little different. His interest seems to be waning, but at first it isn’t in any way you can put your finger on. He just seems a little more aloof. Then he calls less often, and the spaces between seeing him get further and further apart. He cancels dates and seems to prefer spending time with his friends over you. You can’t deny it to yourself any longer; you’ve definitely gone down in his list of priorities.
At this point, it’s tempting to do everything you can to win him back. You might be dying to call him for a heart to heart about “where things are going” (don’t!), or to start taking the initiative to call him and ask him out more often. You might try to be extra sweet and pleasing, putting his behavior down to “stress at work” or “stress over a fight he had with his mom”, or “stress over it being the 5th anniversary of his goldfish’s death”. You think that by being kind and understanding, he’ll realize what a prize he has and snap out of his funk, showering you with the love and devotion you deserve.
Of course, none of this works. It seems the sweeter you are and the closer you move towards him, the further away he pulls. So, how do you regain a man’s interest when he starts to pull back?
Focus on your own life: Take your attention off him and put it on the most important person in your life; you. What are your big dreams and aspirations? What is it you’ve always wanted to do? Throw yourself into those dreams. A relationship is just the icing on top of the delicious cake that is your best-lived life. Select one of your most cherished life goals and take steps to make it a reality within the next year.
Practice radical self-care: Make a list of all the things you love to do that increase your energy. Now decide that you’re going to take time every day to do at least 3 things on that list. They don’t have to be major; it can be as simple as taking 15 minutes to curl up with a good book and your favorite brand of hot chocolate, or using a luxurious body lotion after your shower. But you’ll find your energy levels and sense of well-being will increase, making you that much more radiant and magnetic.
Give him space to miss you: Be so busy with your own life that you’re not chasing after him. Let him reach out to you to find out where you are. Men fall in love in the gaps between when they see us, so give him room to start coming towards you again. If he’s pulled away in his previous relationships, he’s probably used to women tracking him down. The fact that you’re behaving differently will intrigue him and make him wonder why you’re not acting like all the others.
Don’t give him your best days: If he’s downgraded you on his list of priorities, then he’s lost the right to have you bookmark the best days of the week for him. Don’t see him on Friday or Saturday nights. Instead, squeeze him in for lunch on Wednesday afternoon, or a quick coffee on Tuesday evening. He needs to earn the right to have you reserve the best times of the week for him.
Book a vacation: But NOT with him. Find a few girl friends and take yourself away somewhere nice for a week or two. Just tell him casually that you’ll be away, tell him where you’re going and then leave it at that. His imagination will start working overtime at what you might get up to and who you might meet while you’re away somewhere new and exciting. He’ll also see that you aren’t being needy and depending on him to be the source of your happiness.
Assuming he’s a good guy (and not deliberately pulling away to increase your anxiety), following the above steps, and returning to your authentic self will remind him of the wonderful woman he has, and what he stands to lose if he doesn’t step back up to the plate quickly. You’ll also set yourself apart from the vast majority of women out there who would be more than willing to chase him down, and you’ll instantly become more rare and valuable in his eyes.
Special thanks to Tiffany for this insightful guest post, go and check out her site and a book a consult because ladies, if your man is pulling away it’s time to pull back twice as fast and twice as far!!